Resos

You know, I never did get around to figuring out my new year's resolutions, and almost two weeks into  January, I'm not even sure if we're still doing them or not. Are we? Can someone let me know? I would hate to lose out on a really good opportunity to feel bad about my choices.

To me, NYRs are a to-do list all dressed up: I'm going to quit smoking, lose 20 pounds, write more letters, actually email people back, and be nicer to strangers on the streetcar. and yet, by February 1, I'm on the couch eating Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in my muscle tee (not pictured: actual muscles), trying to google which season I am instead of job hunting. I know that people who publicize their resolutions are more likely to both succeed and continue to succeed six months down the line, and I'm certainly not so hubristic that I'm going to say "I'm perfect!" on the internet (not pictured: anyone perfect). But I also desperately wanted to get off the hate-my-body treadmill that NYRs often seems to inspire.

So BIRT, as the board-director kids say:

• Find and attend a Nia class I love. Nia is a dance/exercise form that combines martial arts, free-dance, mind/body integration, and the chance to throw my elbows around to Enya's mid-tempo beat. I love it. I am too inflexible for yoga, I'm a slow and plodding runner (not that that stops me from getting out there - I actually have fallen in love with running with M, which is nice), but Nia's emphasis on good body feelings is right up my alley. My mom got me into it, and while there are great Nia instructors in Stratford, Toronto seems to have a dearth.

• Continue and re-commit to the paleo diet. I've cut wayyyy down on grains for the last six months, and dudes, it has changed me. I am lighter. My poops are better. I sleep better. My acne has basically cleared itself up. I feel awesome. But there are things that simply can't be replaced with zucchini noodles, like delicious, chewy ramen, and red-velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. And so I face a choice: either learn to live without, or figure out the replacements that make me just as happy. Sure, there's no ramen in the paleo diet...but there's a million pounds of kimchi. There are no cupcakes, but the occasional meringue or six isn't going to break the bank.

• My work contract is up in a few weeks, and I feel...stressed. Not quite panicked, but you know that rictus grin you put on in moments of hold-it-together-and-cry-later-in-the-bathroom? That's me! So I resolve to stay calm. Things will work out. They don't even have debtor's prisons anymore...right? (Don't answer that!)

• Make more things with my hands. I love crafting and knitting, but instead of doing them, I spend hours glued to little screens. Crafting means an actual step back, a physical shake-off of routine, until the act itself becomes routine. But I recently made a hat, and you know what? I felt damned proud of myself. It felt good. But knit hats - and time for knitting hats - don't just fall out of the sky. 

• Be more open. I wrote recently about struggling with envy and jealousy, especially with my female friends and acquaintances. That post did wonders to help me see past the feelings and actually connect mentally with those women - to see them as humans with their own foibles and internal messes - and as much work as that is, it does seem worth it. I'd also like to figure out how to approach close friend who are weirding me out, because there are a couple backburner issues that seem close to boiling over, and it makes me nervous and sad. 

• Write more! I'm starting a writer's group and attending another, and writing for a bunch of different places, which feels good. But I would love, as always, more. I'm greedy that way.